Kitten

How can someone that gives you so much joy totally devastates you in a blink of an eye?

How can you move on feeling guilty of the loss of a loved one? I can’t begin to understand or accept the fact that you are not here anymore. I can’t believe I let you down, I let everyone down. I am so heart broken even though I only knew you for four days, I feel like I can’t think straight, things keep reminiscing in my head, I still hear your cry, I can’t believe you are gone. I am so sorry I let you down, you were my everything Bean even though we only knew each other for such a short time. I am so sorry, I can’t forgive myself for what happened to you. You were supposed to get better; you were supposed to be here and be mine to keep company to Mouser. You are gone and I can’t believe it; I can’t believe the pain I feel and the guilt that still comes with it. I tried everything I could to help you, and it still wasn’t enough. Wasn’t meant to be maybe? I am so heartbroken. I can’t even imagine this would happen. I am so sorry, I am sorry, I failed you. This is one of the hardest moments I had in my life and it’s so crazy to say that because I knew you for such a short time. It’s like torture. Is this what hell is like? I can’t believe it. I will never forget you. I will forever have a space for you in my heart. I still can’t believe you are gone; I just can’t process it and maybe that’s my punishment for not doing enough. You were more than enough; I will always love you my little Bean….

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The Perfect Saturday

Whenever I meditate, I always think of that perfect Saturday when I was a kid and everything felt like the time stood still. It was just perfect, everything was peaceful and I will never ever forget that feeling. It always helps me calm down, it always releases a good peaceful feeling of what it was to feel together and in peace. What is the perfect Saturday for me? Let me explain.

 

The perfect Saturday is that moment where you just see everyone around you at peace. There are no fights, arguments, or screaming. Everyone is just enjoying the moment, and I think that’s what the whole point of this is. My perfect Saturday takes me back to when I was around six or seven years old (no pun intended). It’s a lazy Saturday at our house where everyone is at home doing their own thing. I can start on the first floor where I see my father watching tv but guess what? He’s asleep holding the newspaper, how peace is that? Very peaceful indeed. Then if I look over, I see my mother organizing the kitchen just seeing her enjoying putting her kitchen together and plates away. There are no words, just enjoyment. The tv is on but at a volume that completely blends into the peacefulness of the household.

 

I then find my way upstairs where my siblings are. I have three sisters and one brother. The first room to the right is my parents’ room, nothing to see here. On the left though, are my sister’s room (two of them) and as I look in there you can see one just playing with her barbie dolls while the other one is reading a book, simple yet peaceful and beautiful. There are no words, just enjoying the moment. My other sister is in her own room, yes, she was the rebel that wants her own room and she’s also just enjoying the moment, what is she doing? Just drawing but sometimes she would be moving things around as she always wanted to change things around. No words, just peacefulness. Finally, my brother’s room which is also mine, is on the far left and I could peek in to see him organizing his toys. We had ninja turtles and G.I.joes and would destroy them to pieces, yes, we were destructive. You can see him trying to put together the head of one G.I.Joe with the body of another. We had to make them last after all! Nothing but bliss.

 

The feeling of the perfect moment, the perfect Saturday, your inner peace is that moment where you can just see everyone around you reflecting on that peaceful feeling towards you. It’s all about being in a good environment which is why I always use this moment to help me calm down during meditation or whenever I feel like I’m losing my grip. So what is your perfect Saturday? 

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