The time was now; I just couldn’t wait any longer. Already
being neglected by everyone around me, I rushed into the appointment which I
eagerly waited for a long month. What was this you may wonder? It’s an
appointment that will change the course of my life but let’s start from the
beginning.
Always
feeling like I didn’t belong, I grew up in a very confusing time. Not being
allowed to express myself, not being able to scream who I really was inside, everything
was suppressed like time staying still. As a kid, I always had curiosity and
attraction to certain things. I did not understand it, and I didn’t have anyone
to ask as I was too afraid to speak. Once again, I’m suppressed for years on.
Living in a household where you are shut down expressing your upmost feelings
was rough, I always had to be behind the lines seeing others enjoy the things I
wanted to enjoy and being forced into the role that I was supposed to be due to
what is considered normal back then. Now that I think about it, being forced
into something you don’t want to is anything but normal, I’m pretty sure I wasn’t
the only one feeling that one. I wanted to dress a certain way, I wanted to
speak a certain tone, I wanted to be with a certain group, all of these were
neglected, ignored, suppressed.
One day, a wonderful thing called
the internet entered my home. I had a whole cyber world into my fingertips and
a way to explore who I really was. I had to let out of these suppressed
feelings something. Sadly, I couldn’t really had the privacy to explore such
things so I left it as is and followed the role I was supposed to follow. Now
that I think about it, it all makes sense. All the dots connect once I reminiscence
about my past. I was able to hide a folder with my most hidden secrets and thoughts.
It was all able to fit on a floppy disk and I’m so glad my family didn’t even
bother to check those.
The
adventure is just beginning as I have so much more to talk about my suppressed
feelings and the way they finally were able to be freed to find my true self.
To
be continued…
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